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Thursday, 12 March 2015

Quick Write

Quick Write

The car was our sanctuary on the safari trip. But one lion came closer. It came up to the window. The one lioness of the pride came closer until the big round brown eyes peered into the car. The golden, flowing fur shimmered in the afternoon sunlight and a single, almost invisible gash of brown fur ran along the length of its body, right down its spine. The brown eyes were almost like human, and you could look into them and KNOW that this was an intelligent beast. Then… The car door whipped open! The lioness had bitten the door handle and opened the car! My shrill piercing scream shattered the stunning silence and I quickly shut the car door and locked it. A great ending to an awesome trip!

My goal was to have a better structure for my ideas. You can see that I have done this because my description is one part, the fear is another and the part where the lion came closer is another still.

1 comment:

  1. Great use of adjectives and description Joseph. I think you need to work on your conclusion and make it more interesting.